#2 - Hot Dog on a Stick

Consider this combination of culinary concoctions…

        

2 Giant Pickles

2 Chicken Kebabs

2 Pulled Pork Sandwiches

1 Grilled Corn on the Cob

1 Deep Fried White Castle Hamburger with Fries

1 Deep Fried Twinkie

1 Deep Fried Klondike Bar

1 Deep Fried Snickers Bar

1 Ice Cream Cone Dipped in Chocolate Sauce

1 Candy Apple

15 Beers

1 Corn Dog

and a partridge with a clogged artery.

There is only one place that you can treat your tastebuds to such pleasure and your gastrointestines to such punishment – the LA County Fair. Now I wish I could say I put down all that carney crap on my own, but I had a crew along for the ride (carnival ride that is) on this outing. Greg (the foodie), Jessie (the new roommate), Adam (the old roommate), Noah (the old roommate’s BF) and John (the one who ate the Deep Fried White Castle burger - gross).

As a kid, I loved going to the fair. My favorite ride was the Bumper Boats, which has become a modern carnival’s Ark of the Covenant. I asked my Dad if we could build a bumper boats ride in my backyard. I mean we already had a pool so it seemed logical that we’d be able to buy a few innertubes and lawnmower motors and get the whole thing rigged up. He let me go so far as to write a letter to Mr. Morey (the man who owned all the carnivals in NJ) about setting up shop...still waiting to hear if I should charge 6 or 7 tickets.

Meanwhile fast-forward to 2010 and they don’t even USE tickets anymore. Am I the only one who thinks this is a complete travesty? I loved fanning through my ticket book like I was Flow Rider (he is a rapper right?) counting my 20 dollar bills. Nowadays, all the rides AND games are paid for with a newfangled electric card machine. It made me feel like we were swiping a Metrocard for a ride on the Wonder Wheel. Plus there is no way to convert your point value to actual dollar amounts. For example, a game of skee-ball costs like 320 points….in actual dollars that could have cost $3 or $32 – it’s an enigmatic algorithm Zuckerberg would have trouble figuring out.

After a few rides down the Super Slide and Greg’s masterful cheating at pretty much every carnival game he played (not sure what we are going to do with a giant banana with a monkey inside)…

…it was time to get down to business with Chicken Charlie. See Chicken Charlie is legend-ary at the fair for his deep fried creations. The man sells everything from totally fried twinkies to basted and fried beer (still not sure how we missed this). He’s even driven Doc Hopper out of business by cornering the market on frogs legs.

Here’s what I learned about these deep fried items – whether it’s a Klondike, snickers bar or White Castle Cheeseburger it all pretty much tastes breaded and totally unlike the original item being fried. I mean, I’m from New Jersey and I’ve had my fair share of White Castle Burgers on Route 17. Whatever the hell Chicken Charlie deep-fried was a goopy, oily rendition of the classic patty I remember from the Sack O’ Ten. Regardless of taste, I can now say I’ve conquered the mighty deep-fried Twinkie. They’re real…and they’re disgusting.

Just when I thought I’d seen it all at the fair including an inflatable King Taco saluting the Führer…

…and a petting farm sponsored by McDonalds (in case you wanted to pet your chicken mcnuggets before dipping them in sweet and sour sauce)…

 

…What to my wondering eyes should appear, a miniature hut with corn dogs and root beer. (Ok – there wasn’t any root beer, but lemonade doesn’t rhyme).

“HOT DOG ON A STICK” I exclaimed to nobody in particular. “I think that’s on the list”. Despite already having devoured an obscene amount of food, I now discovered the real purpose of having come to the fair after all.

Hot Dog on a Stick has been a staple in SoCal for years with locations along the boardwalk in Venice, Santa Monica and the Glendale Galleria (ohlala). College-aged guys and girls clad in bright uniforms with colors also featured on Captain EO t-shirts….

…have been doling out the classic corn dogs for over fifty years. I remember eating my first corn-dog circa 1991at Dorney Park and Wild Water Kingdom. It tasted a lot better going down vs. coming up after a ride on the Thunderhawk roller coaster.

Eager to cross another pLAte off the list, I was served a fresh one right out of the fryer. In an effort to give a better description of the taste, I decided to record a voice note to myself on the phone. I figured this will give a great, lengthy description so I have something to reference when I write the blog entry. Upon playing back the voice note now, this is what I recorded: “Tasty, but you have to watch out for the stick. Corn is good.” This was then followed by 12 minutes of ambient noise, because apparently I didn’t know how to stop the recording. New York Times Food Critic…here I come!

Hot Dog on a Stick tastes pretty much like every other standard corn dog across the nation. Basically it’s a wiener wrapped in corn bread. I sort of think this entry made the list more for the memories of youth, seaside and boardwalks that corn dogs evoke rather than to be frank (pun intended) the ubiquitous taste of the weenie.

With an excessive amount of stuffed plush in hand and two new housemates we won at the goldfish game (appropriately named Gold Coast and Circus of Books…as of this posting may they rest in peace) our outing came to a close. I speak on behalf of all our arteries when I say thank goodness the fair only comes to LA once a year.

By the way, we did end up finding a home for our new monkey friend.

That’s what ya get for skipping out on the fair Peter….