Foo-Detour - Santa Ana Racetrack

Pack your oat bags kids…99pLAtes is taking a trip to the races this week, horse races that is!

-Cue the bugle horn-

Dubbed the ‘Sport of Kings’ (thank you “Sports Night”), horse racing has long been a part of my family’s history. No we didn’t own Seabiscuit, my Great-Uncle Stanley used to work at Yonkers Raceway in Westchester, New York. So when Jessie’s BF, Robby, suggested we pay a visit to Santa Ana Racetrack for their Food Truck Festival, I dusted off my floppy sun hat, slurped a mint julep and moseyed on outta the Wild West (Hollywood) for a day at the races.

“There are going to be over 20 trucks here,” Melissa (the vegan) proclaimed from the back seat.

Melissa - “Yep, I did my homework…Lobsta Truck, Lardon Truck, Crepe N’ Around. Personally I want to try the Pokey Tuna Taco.”

Me – “They turned Gumby’s horse into taco meat???”

The Car – “GROANNNN!!!”

As the car conversation ranged from crazy dreams (Melissa’s latest included being chased by bobcats) and Oprah’s OWN Channel (If you aren’t watching “Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes” you are seriously missing TV gold), we finally pulled into the parking lot of the gorgeous Santa Anita racetrack.

Robby – “Where am I supposed to park? Are these tandem spots?”

Jessie – “I’m not sure…”

Me – “Yea they are tandem, just like Disneyland!”
Robby – “Mike, not everything is like Disneyland!!!”

We walked in with our racetrack appropriate outfits. Jessie with her saddle bag, Melissa with riding boots, Robby with a vintage 1989 Breeder’s Cup shirt…

…and me with my skinny jeans and puffy vest. It’s all the rage in jockey couture these days.

As we entered the gates, our stomachs started growling and the food trucks were waiting…so it was off to the infield for some lunch.

Jessie – “I want the grilled cheese truck…”

Melissa – “Oooohh they have an Indian Truck called NaanStop!”

Robby – “Are you kidding me, I am so excited for some Korean BBQ.”

Me – “Did you see the size of that…”

LINES! LINES! LINES!

For those of you who have already visited these Food Truck Festivals, you probably know what we soon found out…they are a complete nightmare! Throngs of Silverlake Hipsters and Hollywood Yuppies stretched hundreds of feet just to get their hands on a moderately-sized, overly-priced portions of food made in a kitchen no bigger than a horses stable. You could literally drive to Mexico and back before being served a burrito from the Kogi Truck.

It was time for Plan B, which meant a trip to The Winner’s Circle Cafe, featuring the classiest food you can muster up in the beer-drenched hallways of a racetrack.

Melissa and I went the safe route with a Tuna and Turkey Sandwich respectively. 

I watched as Melissa heaved a third helping of relish on her sandwich. “It’s the only way this thing is going to have any taste…” she claimed. Jessie meanwhile took the adventurous route and split a Chicken Enchilada Plate with Robby.

Jessie - “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Sounds like a ringing endorsement if I’ve ever heard one. Robby’s friend Lindsay ended up joining us and ordered the Spicy Sausage Link, which was literally peppered with an ‘orbit of spices’.

 

We did manage to squeeze out one Food Truck creation – The Chunk N’ Chip Ice Cream truck served up handmade ice cream sandwiches with cookies straight from the oven. Melissa ordered the Blondie Bliss (White Chocolate Chip Cookies with Walnut and Coconut Ice Cream) and I did the Butter My Velvet (Red Velvet Cookies, Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream).

The cookies were warm, the ice cream was delicious and but were they worth the wait in line? NotSoMuch.com

With our stomach’s full, it was time to get to some serious betting.

Lindsey – “You want to be on the ones with perky ears. That’s a good sign.”

Melissa – “They’re all perky!!!”

I learned after a few races there are three things I like most about the racetrack.

1. The names of the horses are insanely creative. Some of the best of the day included - Guadalupe Lupe, Meshuguna, Dance with Gable and my personal favorite – Lady Railrider.
2. The way everyone slaps their program in their hands, as if it encourages the horses to run faster.
3. The phrase “Post Haste”

Despite playing every Superfecta combination I though possible, I didn’t win a single race. In fact, the only person who won anything was Melissa. But that’s only because she flirted with the horse before the race…

Robby – “Well guys, we spent all our money and waited in lines for hours, but at least we have the memories right?”

Mike – “Sounds like a day at Disneyland to me!”