#8 - Cha Chiang Mein from Mandarin House

It’s a New Year and we are expanding to new destinations here on 99pLAtes. I’ll be the first to admit, for the first seven locations on the list of 99 Things to Eat Before You Die, we played things pretty safe. Restaurants like Little Dom’s in Los Feliz, Comme Ca in West Hollywood and even Fab’s Hot Dogs in The Valley (a location that isn’t as bad as it was portrayed on Saved by the Bell) were pretty safe bets for the launch of this food-venture through Los Angeles.

So for our first pLAte of 2011, I decided to venture to the Far East (far east of La Brea that is) to Koreatown. Mandarin House (if it sounds a little less Korean and more Chinese…that’s because it is) serves up the classic variations of Asian inspired chicken, beef, pork and shrimp dishes. However, the restaurant is specially known for its hand pulled noodles. See usually when you order that House Special Lo-Mein or Moo Goo Gai-Pan (which doesn’t actually have noodles, I just like saying it), the noodles come dry like a box of Barilla pasta. Not at Mandarin House…they actually stretch and cut their noodles right in the back of the house.

Surprisingly we actually got a big crew to make the trek (anything over 4 miles in LA) to Koreatown. Our friend Brian, who popped his 99pLAtes cherry, joined me and series regulars Jessie and John for dinner. Best of all, Carly and her co-worker Rivka were visiting from NYC and were eager to join for a pLAte. 

They soon became not so eager when they weren’t able to even find the restaurant.

Turns out everything in Koreatown is written in Korean.

Things You Need to Know About Carly:

1. Carly was Jessie’s roommate for four years of college – oh the stories we could tell…
2. She is one of three certified historians at the Roosevelt Island Historical Society. [FUN FACT – Roosevelt Island was actually called Welfare Island til the 70’s. The name was changed when welfare became un-PC]
3.  Her pinky is permanently bent.

Carly and Rivka both work for Norton (not the Antivirus) Anthologies and were in town for the big MLA Convention (Comic-Con for people who read) happening in Downtown LA. Lost yet? So was I, but Carly assured me that her company’s collection is home to the A-Listers of literati. Move over Britney and Paris – Huck Finn and Hester Prynne have hit Hollywood.

With introductions out of the way, it was time to get down to ordering. The menu was, to say the least…exotic. While the “Cold Jelly Fish” and the “Thousand Year Eggs” sounded delightful, I personally prefer my eggs to be from this millennium. We attempted to get some recommendations from our waitress and it went something like this:

John – “What is Happy Family?”

Waitress – “Oh you know…it’s good.”

John – [Stares]

Waitress – [Smiles]

With this invaluable information, the group ended up settling on some traditional dishes like Mongolian Beef, Chicken Chow Mein, Dumplings and the aforementioned noodle required pLAte, Cha Chiang Mein.

Not soon after we had explained what happens at circuit parties to Carly (she thought they had to do with electricity and touching – not too far off actually) our still-smiling waitress presented a heaping bowl of Cha Chiang Mein. 

Covered in a black bean-based sauce with bits of pork peppered throughout, the whole table hoped the homemade noodles would live up to their reputation. With the noodles doled out, we played the first impressions game (fun to play with people and as it turns out food). Here are the results:

Jessie:   Certain sweetness, but other than that….

Brian:    I like the Mongolian Beef.

Carly:    They taste like the noodles you get at Duane Reade.

Rivka:    Duane Reade Noodles taste better.

John:     There’s a word for it, but I haven’t found it yet….

Me:        The word is Slimy.

The reviews weren’t glowing, to say the least. What was glowing was our Sweet and Sour Shrimp…literally…

 That neon orange is loud enough to make the late 80’s feel jealous.

Needless to say, none of the food at Mandarin House really wowed anyone at the table. John summed it up best:

John – “The food may be bland but the company is delightful.”

Everyone Else – “GROAN”

At this point, the only thing that could save this from being the worst pLAte to date was a great fortune cookie. After all, I’d need a way to nicely close out this post and a witty pun tied to my 2011 fortune would work perfectly!

No fortune cookies…just mints? What kind of Chinese Restaurant in Koreatown is this?

Me to the Waitress – “Where is the tiny smiley-faced piece of paper wrapped inside a bland cookie? What are my lucky numbers for the week?? What does 2011 have in store for me???”

Waitress - “Oh you know…it’s good.” 

Mandarin House

3074 W 8th St

Los Angeles, CA 90005

(213) 386-8976