Foo-Detour - Cattleman's Steakhouse

LAX  --> OKC is what my FB status message read on a recent Monday morning (and stayed up until Thursday afternoon since I often forget to change my status). So what brings me to Oklahoma City you ask? As previously mentioned, I work in television. Picture it – Hollywood, 2006….a young, fresh-faced whippersnapper just off the obligatory cross-country drive along Route 66 (I insisted we referred to it exclusively as the Mother Road) arrives in Los Angeles, the ‘Entertainment Capital of the World’ according to KEARTH 101.1. I was filled all the hopes and dreams of glitz and glamour.

Fast-forward four years and here we are I’m a PRODUCER…..of reality-tv. Now before you scoff, many unscripted television shows (the snootier way to say it) get more viewers than most of the NCIS:LACSI:NYL&O:SVU’s out there. Just because we don’t have half the craft services spreads the scripted kids do, doesn’t mean we don’t contribute to the American television landscape. Need I say, fist pump?

My current producing gig is on a pretty big primetime network show…let’s call it The Largest Person Who Comes in Last Place... My producer duties on this episode include a field shoot in Moore, Oklahoma, just outside of OKC.

Things you need to know about Moore - Walmart:Oklahoma::Donut Shops:Los Angeles, there are more Wal-Marts in a 5 mile radius of my hotel than schools…priorities people. Also, Moore is home to Toby Keith.

Apparently I am supposed to know who this Toby Keith is, but I don’t listen to much hip-hop music. Finally, in Oklahoma the corn is not as high as the elephant’s eye, I’d say it goes up to about his trunk. After checking into my hotel, which by the way looked like a cross between Ikea meets a West Hollywood nightclub that threw up turquoise…

I decided to venture off and rub elbows with some Oklahomians (?) at dinner. I moseyed (cause that’s what you do in OKC) on over this classic must-eat-at haunt called Cattleman’s Steakhouse.

The dimly lit restaurant looks like any other classic American steakhouse complete with dark-wood panels, leather vinyl booths and heavily trodden floral carpets. Adorning the walls were portraits of various cowboys and sheriff looking men. I probably should have recognized one of these heartland heroes, but to me they all looked like Wilford Brimley.

I was seated in the Non-Smoking section of the dining room (Smoking Section…really? I had a flashback to my local NJ Sizzler circa 1998). Billy Jack (Confirmed: real name) clad in a bowtie welcomed me and presented the menu. I settled on the Filet wrapped in bacon (natch) and gladly took up the offer to add-on the side of sautéed mushrooms.

With the order placed, I took off my hat (isn’t that customary in the heartland?) and spent some time taking in the atmosphere. I looked around the room and noticed the various sun-kissed couples donning cowboy hats idly chit-chatting about business on the ranch. How simple…how serene…how did this blog just turn into a Nicholas Sparks novel?

The food arrived and not soon enough, I was starting to get worried the four 300+ pound men in cutoff denim shirts and cowboy hats were getting uncomfortable with the guy dressed in American Apparel writing notes in the margin of his Details magazine about the experience.

Filet Wrapped in Bacon – Billy Jack had me cut into the meat to make sure ‘it was to my likin’. The pinkish-red center looked perfect and just the thought of taking that first bite sends a tingle to my taste buds as I write this. The only disappointment on the meat was the bacon (gasp!). The fatty slice just kind of flopped around the side and I actually ended up pulling it off and pushing it off to the side (double gasp! – I don’t even know who I am anymore).

The Fixin’s – Along with supper, steaks come with a side salad and I also got the sautéed mushrooms to boot, cowboy boot that is. The mushrooms were drenched in some sort of onion au-jous that could have almost doubled as a French onion soup. The mushrooms were so good, in retrospect I should have just poured them over the meat to create a harmony of Oklahoma flavors.  

OH – and then there was a bread roll…and tell me this bread roll isn’t the spitting image of Toad from Mario Brothers 3 on Super Nintendo.

By the time Billy Jack dropped off the check I was more stuffed than the bison head that hung over the bathroom door. After recapping the meal through email with Kelly and John, apparently I missed the must-see of the menu…lamb fries. So, the next time I’m in OKC I promise I’ll give you a full report on what lamb fries at Cattleman’s Steakhouse taste like. For now, you can find me at Wal-Mart picking up the latest album from Toby Keith…or is it Keith Urban?

Cattleman’s Steakhouse

1309 S. Agnew

Oklahoma City, OK 73108

#5 - Animal's Foie Gras Biscuits and Gravy

“It smells great in here!” Jessie exclaimed as we walked through the front doors of Animal on Fairfax. Truth be told, it shouldn’t have taken me this long to hit up the neighborhood MEAT-ery…it’s been on my “To Eat Here” list for as long as I’ve lived in LA. Everyone has good things to say about this place…including our fellow diners tonight.

Jessie, armed with a list of must-eats from Robby, was intent on finding any dish that included kimchi (the Korean fermented vegetable dish). Chris, a friend of Jessie’s visiting from NYC, had been told this was the place to try for some unique LA eats. Greg, who hadn’t visited in a year, was praying (despite being Jewish) the Foie Gras Biscuits and Gravy were still on the menu. And me…well, I’m down for ANY restaurant that shares a name with a Muppet.

Animal is located on Fairfax just south of Melrose. It is somewhat hard to find due to the fact that there is no sign on the front of the building. “Ooohhh,” I exclaimed, “No sign…always a sign that the place is really good”…or snobby. 

“Changes and modifications politely declined”

That is Snobby Strike #2.

“$20.00 corkage fee”

Three Snobby Strikes and you're out! Come on…a $20 corkage fee! Half the dishes on the menu are less than that!

But here is the thing about Snobby Strikes (bear with me, I’m making up these rules as I go along)…if the food is good, it wouldn’t matter if they tarred and feathered you (I’m currently reading John Adams so tarring and feathering is in vogue) for splitting the bill on 2 credit cards. Good food will always supersede the Snobby Strikes.

Like any good television agent, Greg intently listened to our suggestions and ideas on what to order and then told us what to actually order. To be fair…Greg has been to Animal before, he is our resident food-a-holic, and he always smells good. And if I’ve learned anything about the business…always trust a man that smells like the misty ocean breeze flowing in from Santa Barbara.

The batting lineup (in order of how the plates were presented) for the night follows below – complete with a sound bite about the dish. Pictures are included for your viewing pleasure. Let it be noted that Greg did an excellent job presenting each dish (ala Vanna White) for the camera. From here on out we will refer to him exclusively as Vanna.

Chicken Liver Toast

“This is so good and only three dollars! We should order like ten of them.” - Jessie

Hamachi Tostada

“It’s like several holidays in one bite.” –Jessie 

(Unsure what holidays she was referring to, let’s say Christmas and Arbor Day)

BBQ Pork Belly Sandwiches, Slaw

“I could pop like…several more of those” – Chris

Let it be noted Chris also mentioned he was in the market for a dark red (Chris interjects “No No…more like burnt orange) leather jacket. Paging Nash Bridges!

Grilled Octopus with chorizo and chow chow

“WTF is chowchow, but it tastes amazing” – Mike

“Isn’t chow chow a type of dog?” – Chris

“Shit” – Vanna

Upon further review chow chow is not only a breed of dog, but also a Chinese pickled relish. Phew!

Poutine with oxtail gravy and Cheddar

“mmmmm….yyyummm….ughhhh” – Everyone

(Side Note: Nobody really spoke during this because the combination of French fries, cheese and gravy is enough to render anyone speechless)

…and finally the highly-touted (and reason we actually came)...

pLAte #5 - Foie Gras with Biscuits and Maple Sausage Gravy

“It’s like rich, sweet, salty and savory all at the SAME TIME” – Jessie.

The Foie Gras was undeniably the richest pLAte I have had to date. The dish brilliantly combines your favorite maple syrup flavors from breakfast AND creamy, salty, fulfilling flavors from dinner. Forget brunch, I say we start a new mealtime called Brinner of Dickfast…on second thought, let’s just stick with brunch.

Six dishes in and you’d think this group of four would be satisfied…wrong-o! Come on it’s ANIMAL, “let’s eat like there’s no tomorrow” said Vanna.

We polished things off with an order of Balsamic Pork Ribs (the meat fell off the bone…and onto the table in my case) and for dessert a Bacon Chocolate Crunch Bar, which coincidently tasted nothing like a Nestle Chocolate Crunch Bar.

You can file ANIMAL under the “Places I Should Have Been Going to A Long Time Ago” category because the food is just that good. Another plus is that the menu is always changing…sort of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book!

We all agreed a return visit was definitely in order….after all, we passed on the rabbit legs, pig tails and chicken hearts.

Hmmm…wonder if Animal is gonna be pissed when we eat all his friends.

Animal

435 N Fairfax Ave

Los Angeles, CA 90048

(323) 782-9225

www.animalrestaurant.com 

The Origin

There are two real obsessions I have in life. Side note: a lot of my friends will tell you I have many obsessions in life, but the two I have chosen to openly blog about are FOOD and LISTS. First, let me explain the obsessions and then I’ll explain what this whole blog is about.

FOOD – As a FFK (Former Fat Kid) I’ve loved food for as long as I can remember. In fact, my mother often embarrasses me with the story that I used to literally pant when the baby bottle would come out of the fridge. Her rendition of my “panting” sounds more like an obese person experiencing an asthma attack, but Mom tells the story once every three months regardless. Though I’ve stopped panting at the sight of refrigerated food and gotten rid of the husky Levi’s and “baby weight” I carried right through junior year of high school, a FFK will always have food on their mind. There is nothing like spending a Saturday afternoon with a punch-bowl sized serving of #4 Spicy Ramen from Orochon in Little Tokyo or driving to a strip mall in the Valley to try Uncle Andre’s BBQ platter because Mo’Nique mentioned it on Oprah. Momma Precious was right by the way…those Texas Ribs are worth the drive.

LISTS – I really enjoy crossing things off lists, but not like your typical to-do lists or grocery lists…it’s more intricate than that. For example, I recently read an article in LA Magazine about 10 Small Towns around the city that are worth a day trip. So for the past several Sundays a random assortment of friends/roommates/significant other have been everywhere from Whittier (quaint and Hoover-era like) to Calabasas (Kim Kardashian’s store was smaller than I expected). This obsession with lists probably stems from my really ‘cool’ childhood when I collected Happy Meal Toys. My next-door-neighbor, Whitney, and I had extensive cross-referenced checklists of the toys we had in our collection and the ones still needed to be rescued from garage sales. If I only had completed that collection of Animaniacs from ’94 maybe I would have gotten over this list obsession…but alas that didn’t happen. On the bright side, it means this blog CAN happen.
 

THE BLOG – Fast forward to a few weeks ago when Kelly, the best friend of my dude John, sent him this article in LA Weekly. 99 Things to Eat in LA Before You Die is the perfect storm of aforementioned obsessions so of course I had to accomplish this feat of edible enormity. ‘Things to Eat Before You Die’ was a twinge to morbid for my taste (pun intended), so after much deliberation and blatant ripping off of a loved one’s idea I’ve named this blog “99pLAtes”. Get it – pLAtes (cause that’s the city I live in). Genius, I know – I’ll take all the credit.

So the next few weeks, months (not years and hopefully it doesn’t end up killing me) are going to be filled with what some crack squad LA Weekly Reporter calls the 99 Best Dishes in Los Angeles. Bring on the sashimi, sandwiches, fried chicken, chicharrones (?) and more parts of a pig than I’ve ever cared to eat. So hang on to your forks and knives, cause this here is set to be the most overindulgent ride in Los Angeles. (Points to those who get the reference)

To all the foodies out there: Feel free to send an email or leave suggestions of other artery-clogging good eats here on the blog. There can’t only be 99 Things to Eat in LA Before I Die. Your edible entries are welcome.


Special thanks to Mike Van Waes for his logo design. Check out his stuff here:
www.vexedwisecracker.com/